Deja vous

How many people experience deja vous on a regular basis? What do you think is behind it? Do you think that you are perhaps getting snippets of future happenings in dreams that you don't recall until the moment it happens? I think deja vous are awesome!!! I don't know whether it's a glimpse into the future or is it just a dream I have had before?!

I used to have deja vous on and off, especially when I was a few years younger. All this picture and scenarios keeps jumping in and out of my mind. And lately, I've been having it quite often. Feels like I've been doing all this for a long time but in fact, it's not. All the things were so familiar but I can't recall when I did them before. For example, I bumped into this guy the other day on the street, when he helped me to pick up the papers, I have all this fast forward scenes running through my mind. The feeling was strange. It's as though I've known him for years, but actually, just a passerby. And another incident was the day when I helped the director to apply mud on his hand. It was for shooting purpose and again, all this flashbacks appeared.

It used to freak me out sometimes. But now, I'll just sit down to restructure it for a while, try to recall, if not, just enjoy the process and smile it away. Maybe it's not a bad thing to have it. Or maybe it's meant to be that way after all.

Maybe this is a reason to why I have a very strong feeling towards my dream. They often become real. Maybe in one months time, or a years time, or perhaps, longer. I don't want to sound psychic, but I kinda like the experience. Maybe I'm just having a hectic mind lately. Or maybe I need some debug program to recover my system.

Bitter sweet

For some reasons, I just feel that I should be honest to myself for once and make a confession. Confess about? HIM!!! Yes! The one and only guy I love and is still having a crush on!!! Some of you might have heard my constant complaints abt him. 'He's so annoying lor...He doesn't seems to care ga...Damn irritating man him...He damn ng sing muk wan...bla bla bla...!!!' Despite all the above, deep down my heart I know he's the only person who can control my emotions. As if I'm sitting on a emotional rollercoaster. I hate it though, but at the same time I know I'm loving him soooo much...

Must be wondering why am I so sentimental today? It all started yesterday...Lately I've been stressing with my uni work, research, and most of all, the production I'm involved in. I'm so particular abt the production is bcoz the people doing it are all pros and I just don't want to make a mess out of it. Especially when all the people are looking at the way you handle the job. Went home and met dear online. After a whole day of work, seeing someone who's really close to you is the best treat. Just a sight of him, and his slightest gesture was enough to make my day. Moreover, people who know him in person should know how much a sweet talker he is. I nearly cried when I talked to him yesterday. But to avoid him laughing at me, I swallowed my tears. *He's damn irritating lor...* Sometimes you might not realised until the very unexpected moment, you just can't hide. The emotions just explode!!! All I wanted was none other than his hugssss...!!!

He is the energy boost when I'm at the edge of giving up. Especially when I know he's working as hard and both of us are looking forward for my return after four years of on and off physical separation. It somehow makes me feel good and secured when I know we're looking into our future. Trying to work the most out of it. There are bitter and sweet moments. Love, is as though you're eating a 85% cocoa dark chocolate. Moments when I'm too frustrated, all I want is to have him away from me as far as possible. On the other hand, sometimes it is the sweet times where we should look into. It's really hard for me to track down another person who can make me cry so much...but at the same time, my joy comes from him...Maybe I just love the way he adores me. Girls just can't resist that. *Darn* Sometimes he just doesn't know what to do and say at the right time. It really annoys me. But at the same time, he somehow sense it and all he needs to do is to say a few words and a short msg and I'm all good with it. *It's soooooooo annoying!!!* Not annoyed abt him, but MYSELF!!! I'm constantly telling myself not to be so soft-hearted, but...Such a contradiction huh...Conclusion, I still love him veryyyyy much!!! *sshhuucckkss*!!!

Did paintings for the production settings today...OMG!!! It's sooooo damn tiring lor...Hands aching now...It's a good polish though. How can I handle my future work if I can't do the stuff now. For my future, I'll definitely get over it!!! *Walauuuu*!!!

Silence makes perfect

Sometimes people ask me:'Why do you like to stay alone sometimes? Why are you not going out on a nice day like this?'

I guess soemtimes silence is the perfect time to think. Think of your future, where you want to go, and where you stand now. Who knows you might gain something from it?!! My day off uni today was the perfect time for me to stay at home to gather my thoughts. Housemate was not at home today, so I had the house all to myself with my speaker on full blast. I was putting my brain wires together to think of my philosophy and concept for the fashion promotion homework and doing some research for the few presentation in two weeks time.

When I was looking at some of the websites, this particular song by 'them' was playing. My immediate reaction was open up a new internet explorer page and start my search on some prospective companies and job which I have in mind since long ago. I was looking through Galaxy, 98.8, Astro etc. Everytime I look at the companies, all I can say is I'm impressed. It was the 10th or 11th times I've been looking through their portfolio but my feeling was still the same. At that moment, how I wished I'm done with my degree and the next thing is to jump straight into the industry I've been having passion for years.

"Young people who enjoy planning and managing spectacular concerts and events. Young people who enjoy dealing with superstars and celebrities. Young people who enjoy working with top management personnel from various corporations."

I wished I'm one of the young people mentioned above by the companies in the very near future. I saw the list of events they held every year, saw the list of people involved in the event, saw how interesting and fun it was through the photos displayed. I'm touched and constantly imagining myself as part of the family. I want to meet them. I want to work with them. They became my main strength in my studies and work hard my most wanted achievement in the industry. I guess my passion towards the industry was indirectly influenced by them. Now I realised how much impact they have on me. It was until these days I realised the importance. Sound silly and immatured I guess. But I guess it's not a bad thing if someone can actually inspire and encourage you for the dream you've always wanted. Ps: Btw, the 'them' I refer to here is not the companies. *wink* It's...lalala*****

Currently working hard on writing a good and presentable CV. Mum's been asking me to write it asap. Will start to send out in April, two months before I'm due to head home. Now it feels as though I'm in a new stage of my life. Mum no more nag me about studies, instead, she talks about job search and work or maybe how many % of my salary belongs to her. But at least she's supportive towards what I want to work as in the future despite some negative comments about the industry. Whether or not I will turn bad (smoke, work as if there's no day and night...etc)...hahhhahahahaha...I'm feeling the pressure of job search my friends experienced months ago. By then, I'm no more a student but an adult, an amatuer adult walking out of my comfort zone to face the real corporate world!

A day...

Woke up early in e morning, slept less than 6 hours for the past two days, but still I'm feeling happy and contented. I found the cure and the solution.

The reason for waking up early this morning was because of the beach horse riding which we have booked from rmit. After 3 years, finally I get the chance to try out the beach one instead of the bush. And also, this might be my last time riding a horse in Melbourne. Excited! Left at 8am from RMIT, arrived at Anglesea around 10.30 am. The other group in the bus were those going for surfing. Us, will have to wait for around 2 hours before we can head to our horse camp which is nearby. So we started off with a morning breakfast. The trip leader, Norah was quite active in breaking the ice though. She insisted on playing games like the hand knot, grapefruit game, and the pyramid!!! Sometimes ppl like Norah really adds joy to the group. Well at least I laugh throughout the journey. Along with her was another girl which I think is quite attractive. *wink* Richie will be saying me: 'Chi Sin!'

Neway, we tried to avoid Norah at first since we were not really in the 'game' mood. In fact, wanted to go for a stroll along the beach. But, she got us!!! Played games like hand knot, passing the grapefruit with none other than your neck. (Imagine the amt of contact huh)... I was laughing throughout whn it was Richie's turn to pass the grapefruit to a guy, and then, me!! =.= It's gonna be my biggest regret. *hahaha* Then, we intro them with games like ping pang wah and soyabean. Soyabean was the one which I laughed the most!!! Everyone was so into it, running up and down...And the pyramid! Oh my god! It was soooo funny!!!

My horse of honour is Colonel!!! A darn smart looking horse though. We passed the bushes, trotted, and came to the beach. Gosh! It was soooo cool when 20 horses trot along the beach with all the splashing water. Can you imagine the scene?!! It was breathtaking!!! The view!!! The beach!!! The riders!!! The macho guys!!! AND, the bikinis!!! hehehhehe...But, when we were on the way back, my horse overtake one of the other horses, and damn it! Instead of biting my horse, this bad tempered horse bite me coz I was trying to avoid my horse from the bite!!! The funny part was one of the riders asked me...

Anonymous: Hey, was it painful when a herbivore animal bite? Not tht pain rite...
Me: NOOOO!!! It's not painful at all...I feel ticklish instead!! =.=" zha tou!!!

Darn pain ok!!! My left fingers are in blue+black color now...After every horseride, I noticed three things: 1) Blue black on my legs for sure; 2) Pain at my buttock and further *blush*; 3) Sunburn

I think both my hands are burnt now. Itchy and red. Another thing which annoyed me the most today was the dust and dry weather. Jst imagine how dirty it was when after the ride, I used a wet tissue to wipe on my face and the whole thing turned into caramel color!!! Then, when I was flushing my mucus, I saw all this black color thing on the tissue...Say along with me: 'EeeeeewwWWWWW...!' This activity is not suitable for ppl with oily face...(Eg: Rose-bud)...
Yer, u so bad u know!

Yes!! It's the joy of seeing other people's joy!!!

Opened up my organiser and it's full of notes and reminders for the things I need to do during the week. It's really the first time I nid to run up and down after not even a full 10 days back to Melbourne. But I guess it's good to be busy and feel the pressure at certain times. It's a good polisher for me in the future. The pressure will and definitely be 100 times more than what I'm experiencing now.

Went to support Karen's CCF gathering today. Was my first time attending this kind of activity. Good experience though. Coz the people there are all friendly, sincere and makes me feel that they are the people without any fake mask on. It somehow makes me feel very comfortable and I guess I'll continue my support if there are more to come in the future. After dinner, I bumped into June!!! Our meeting is suppose to be tomorrow. When I saw her, I was really happy and gave her a tight hug. I felt so touch and happy to see her. It reminds me of many memories and feels like I'm meeting an old friend. Seeing someone without preparation is always the best!

Spoke to Tiff today after sooooo long...Was a long talk though, jst to catch up with updates and life abt each other since she's back to KL now. Miss out the chance to see her by two days. Anyway, it's always nice to catch up with friends who really understand you well. Especially her, we don't see each other as often since we're all busy with studies. But still this girl is the one who truly care and understand me most despite the many empty pages between us this couple of years. Particularly the things and advise she gave me when I needed most. I guess we are the ones who doesn't have to see each other everyday to be address as true friend. In a way, I feel relief to have her around. Missing our old times in school!

Right now I'm feeling excited about what I heard 10 minutes ago!!! I feel happy for you coz the effort and challenges you've gone through finally paid off!!! Seeing you happy is my biggest joy!!!I'll chase you to be the main sponsor for the concerts I deal with in the very near future.

My comfort zone

First week of class ended. I enjoyed it so far. Well, at least the most important thing is my lectures and tutors are cool.

Met up with Howch for breakfast yesterday morning. Headed to Carlton for a breakfast which is was said to be really good. It's call Cafe 639. A small little red house hidden in between the other intimidating ones. Great atmos and the food compliment it as well. Had Eggs Florentine as my first proper breakfast since I came back. Nice! Guess I'll have more breakfast to come for the next three months...Since I'll never have so much chance to enjoy such a breakfast when I'm back to KL. Thanks ya Howchie! ^^

Went to Kew for dinner at night to celebrate Cookie's 21st birthday. Met with the gang again. First group outing for the year. Our birthday celebrations routine will be on again. Headed back to Franco's house for more games and gossip. I was not too into it since I have too much of other things in my mind. But again, seeing friends and listening to what they say somehow makes me feel livelier. At least I heard laughters...

Sometimes stretching your sight as far as possible tends to create a new sets of feelings. I discovered my feelings when I'm looking out from the window. I see the city, I see the cars, I see you, and I heard myself...

I think I've found my comfort zone.

A whole new battle

Been the thrid day since I came from KL. Getting back to my usual routine. I"m still holding to the same feeling since the first day I arrived.

I have to say the subject I'm taking this semester has really cool lecturers and tutors. From Communicaiton Research, to Fashion Promotion, then The media, lastly Asian Cyberculture. They are all darn cool people. Gave me a strong boost since I returned with a draggy feeling. Guess I'm gonna enjoy this semester to the very max before I head back to KL for good in June.

It's different. I know that I'll be going back in June and I have already blend myself with this mix feelings. Wonder how would it be like when I leave the place I used to call 'home' for 3.5 years. The 'home' where I learnt to be independent. The place where I clicked to the closest friends I've ever experienced. And the university where I proudly receive my first ever university certificate!!!

Another news to share is my upcoming production with Channel 31. They are producing three dramas and I'll be involved in it. Spoke to the producer, knew more about the post, currently feeling darn excited to start it. The production will start in March, right up to April. Better keep myself busy before I gets too much free time to slack off. My first time involved in a major production like this. Definitely an experience to start off my career in the future.

Sometimes when you're feeling really dry and unmotivated, a good ol' chat is always the best medication. Spoke to her last night and for the whole 2 hours, all I can hear was laughter and lame jokes, but it's more than enough to reboost my energy. I've never felt so comfortable. True enough, it is the listener on the other line that makes the difference.